mundane, mundane, mundane

grad tea just concluded last week. it's been a long and meaningful journey and i'm just thankful for the friends i've met in MI :)

that aside, studying's like no tmr. everyday the same old boring thing mannn. this sucks, and i'm seriously looking forward to the end of it all, really. it just sucks to know all the sec and j1 kids just ended their last day of official school today.

i'm seriously looking forward to weekends, like never before.

take me higher

you can say i'm pretty much motivated to study and work hard
and also keeping myself fit.
getting kinda fat lately, heh.
the sucky part is that the hols are coming for most ppl,
but all i got left to do is mug, oh wells.

btw i just realised that there's very thin line
between being wise and being cunning,
being witty and being sarcastic
being nice and being superficial
i guess it's just a matter of choice

i've also come to realise
that it's really important to know what you believe in
and to know the purpose behind the things you do.
cos at the end of it all,
when everything strips away
purpose will keep you going, will keep you firm :)

sometimes, i really don't know whether i should be disappointed in you.

close to my heart

my bffff finally replied my email;
i miss you loves,
esp your infamous thuderous voice,
hehehehe.
2 months more and i'll see you again :)

right now just thinking about a few ppl,
wondering how they're doing over at their side..

i just hope you're doing fine in your exams bro.
frankly speaking, i'm pretty sure you won't end up in 4NA
but even if GOD wills it,
i know you did your best
and i'll still be proud of ya :)
praying for you.

for me, i guess i got a bigger exam to prepare for,
doing my best and letting HIM do the rest.

i'm sick of living in your shadow

i say goodbye,
this is my life
you're not a friend so stop pretending
don't even try.
i say goodbye,
tired of that lie oh yeaheyeaheyeaheyeaheyeah
i say goodbye,
this is my life
good times are gone i'm moving on
it's your turn to cry.
i say goodbye,
gone in the night oh yeaheyeaheyeaheyeaheyeah
goodbye.

btw,
i thank GOD for dinner with aaron today;
it's hard to find people who think the same way you do :)

gotta work hard ben,
it's the a's - do well or die.

the game of love

the game of love
is tricky and risky, dont you think?

whenever i hear that song,
im reminded of christmas;
an image of a cozy house
with me and my loved ones in it,
celebrating the season together.
the warmth, the love, the oh-so-special-feeling..
who are the people in that house with me?
i'd like to think of that now :)
these people are definitely special,
cos they make me really happy.

btw, the house bunny was a good show.

climb every mountain higher

prelim results were pretty surprising
i would say.
all 4 subjects made an improvement
with MOB improving by about 20 marks man!
to think i studied MOB the least, sigh.
a couple of disappointments,
but i guess a BBD & D for GP is pretty encouraging.
1 more month left,
and hell breaks lose.

sometimes, i admit that im fearful.
i was never what you call a bright student.
i rarely scored a's in exams
and my o's were a total flung.
but that was all in the past -
and it's time to change history.
with the strength of the ONE above,
there's no need to fear.

be still ben
and just do your best.

that aside,
i realised that i'll rather
care for someone who would appreciate my efforts
even though i may not feel as much for that person.

let it wash away my sanity

eating reese's makes me happy,
nothing beats peanut butter and chocolate together :)

it's funny how sometimes my mood can change so fast, really.
oh wells.

it's okay, we'll study hard for the a's, especially econs.
we'll prove them wrong.

and you can say that i'm not gonna bother about you anymore.
go leave in your own world.
guess you ain't a great friend after all..
too bad for me then;
for actually bothering about you.
i hate to say this but
one day, you'll learn it the hard way.

a good consolation

i just realised that
for quite some time i've always been the guy who
knows-all-the-secrets-but-has-to-pretend-that-he-doesn't-know-any.

my friend actually asked me
"how you survive ah? won't your head explode?"
haha. maybe.

well, i'm just glad to know that people are more comfortable with me.
goodnight.

the last lap

don't you find it difficult sometimes
to care for others unconditionally,
and not expecting anything in return?

this issue has been on my mind for the past few days
but i guess as time goes by
i'm getting better at it =)

prelim results are so far, so good i guess.

i just can't wait for steamboat party tmr!

the feeling of dry-ness

is it you,
is it you
maybe you're the one i've been waiting for
could you be the one for me?
could you be the one i need?

do my best,
let GOD do the rest :)
remember ben,
it's never about you,
it's all about HIM.

get up, buckle up and we'll move on

keep going ben,
keep doing your best.
in due time, by GOD's grace
everything will fall into place :)

i love church and my church friends;
very very very much.
they're people i'll always have.

someday we'll know why i wasn't meant for you

there'll always be friends you enjoy being with,
irregardless of age, background or personality :)

i sure had a tiring day,
teaching someone can be fun and tiring too.
now, it's time for a good sleep :)

and yes, HE's coming again.

self conflicted

yup, i guess
caring for someone unconditionally is indeed
an unrealistic, difficult thing to do.
and i'm not the only person who thinks so, heh.

that aside,
it's funny how we've one mind
but two different entities in it.
one desires to do what's right,
the other desires to do whatever it wants.
one desires to be selfless, caring and sensible,
the other, selfish, nonchalant and reckless.
for me,
i guess i struggle between
caring for others unconditionally
and wanting something in return; to be appreciated, to be reciprocated.
but i guess i ought to be selfless,
even if it means that whatever i do may go in vain.

btw, prelims are over
i'm taking a good break.
and i mean good.

take me away

as lame as it sounds,
but whenever i'm feeling blue, sad, confused or lost in thoughts
playing computer games actually helps.
all of a sudden, i dont need to bother anymore.

i love WoW, period.

my head spins

to think i actually dreamt of you
telling me you wanted to be with me..
but reality bites when i woke up, oh wells
hahahah.

that aside, prelims have been okay, i guess.
and i've been feeling sick.

feels good to be loved

she exclaimed "benjay!" as she jumped in, right in front of me;
with that ever so excited, ever so delighted face of hers.
"why are you so happy?" i asked her in disbelief.
she stepped forward quietly and whispered "i miss you"

looks like the highlight of the day
wasn't my crammed palm after all :)

slowly, we're shedding our old self

jona said,
"it's always this phase we go through"

after a good talk with smelly girl yesterday,
i realise how much we've all changed - for the better.
frankly speaking i dont really like
to be reminded of my past, but hey,
ain't i'm out of it? :)

sorry janice my bffff bout being so emo this past one month
things' been happening but i'm fine and getting better,
will update you on email later :)
have fun in the states meantime!

prelims is tmr,
someone please tell me why i should be frightened.

faith w/o works is dead.
likewise we love GOD by loving others.
okay, off to bed before i start my chionging!

disturbia

i don't know why im so caught up with those thoughts again.
to go for it, or to take a step back.
frankly speaking, i'm quite tired.

wow, to think 5 days just passed like that.
i had fun today,
and that calls for a good sleep :)

prelims' in 2 days time,
and right now, i seriously don't want to bother anymore.

it's a slow growing but there's a knowing

come to think of it,
perhaps i should've put in that extra effort just for you..
oh wells.

actions definitely speak louder than words.
it's seriously no point in telling others you care
but when you guys meet up you act like you don't care..
no matter how emotionless you are,
i'm sure that's always ways to show you care.
something i need to think about.

"people don't open their hearts to preoccupied, fast-paced individuals;
they will to those who make the time to sit quietly, ask gently, and listen intently."
a good food for thought.

viva la vida

it's funny how i've been blogging so much lately.
i guess it's a good avenue of me releasing my thoughts,
esp since so many things have been happening.

been spending countless nights thinking about loads of stuff
almost everything and anything about my life
but it's good lah, getting my thoughts sorted out
for a better tomorrow.

i like today's message -
psalm 46:10 says "be still and know I am GOD"
a very encouraging verse to me.
i also committed pressing areas in my life to GOD during my prayer :)
so yup, i dont wanna think so much sometimes,
but i just wanna cast everything on HIM.

alrights, tmr's the start of the holidays
i hope and pray that i'll use it to study to the best of my abilities :)

okay, off to dinner with my sis.
ciao you guys.