someday we'll know

i just thank GOD for the opportunity
to share a little of my faith with someone i care about.

just remember,
i just hope,
irregardless of the quantity
somewhere in your heart a seed will grow
GOD will give the increase.

no stress, no stress, no stress

okay, i didn't study today at all.
all i thought of today was sleeping
and missing mission trip.

BFFFF please upload the photos of the trip sooon
so i can cheer myself up when
studying gets me sick.

sunday's message got me thinking too
what's my purpose of going church?
am i giving HIM respect that's due?

been brainstorming for new ideas for YF activites,
i can wait for a fresh new start man.

other then that, monday's papers were a killer.
i so lacked the perseverence to write countless essays.
i felt abit gong after the whole day though, heh.
gotta work hard.

we have a choice

i didn't expect you to have such an impact on me.

if i had to spell it out,
you certainly taught me how to be proud of my faith,
even if it seems ridiculous to others.

looking forward to tmr,
screw the studying.

i'm leaving on a jet plane, wishing i didn't come back

i'm back from my 8 day long trip to cambodia.
it's only a week long trip,
but yet so meaningful, so touching, so special.
it got me reflecting my life through.
we didn't do extraordinary stuff.
we didn't have extraordinary people.
but we had an extraordinary GOD
and we had an extraordinary time.

non-mission trippers prolly won't understand
the emotions i'm going through
or the hype about the whole trip.
but sometimes, seeing is believing.
sometimes, being there does make the difference.
but im sure we all felt the same way
when the photos flashed
on the pulpit this morning.
or when nigel shared his testimony.
or when we presented our item.

i really wanna thank GOD and my parents
for allowing me to go for this trip.
i wanna thank Pr. Mat for leading us.
i wanna thank my room buddies.
i wanna thank my fellow buddies.
i wanna thank everyone who's involved in this trip somehow or rather.

Bro Mat
Dn Chien Wei
Wing
Edward
Cherie
Michele
Eileen
Songsen
Weijian
Jeremy
Sharon
Jona
Janice
Jon Wong
Ben Wong (me)
Samuel
Joshua
Juventus
Grace
Amelia Tan
Nigel Loke
Su May

i really had a ball of fun with you all.
so, here 100 phrases that well, summarises/highlights my journey.

"alamak, mission trip's next week."
pack pack pack, cut cut cut
"eh, i want those clothes too!"
"no stumbling clothes allowed"
"ben i had a very late lunch, i ate at 1"
i need some barb wires
"the more the trip approaches, im dreading rooming with you"
sleepy faces at airport.
our mega line of boxes.
"eh, this is not my camera"
nasi lemak
"i helped you protect 91 bucks at home"
"omgosh you havent filled up the form yet?"
"Pehnom Penh"
"Sprao, Sapro or Sdao village ah?"
"Suesday! Kynom Chmer Kampong Som"
"nani nani!"
lok lak, lok lak
"walao why i kenna so many mosquito bites sia!"
"are you seriously putting that lime on the beef?"
"give me an F# minor"
"sorry there's only a tea bag, no coffee tea bag"
su may's laughing orchestra
"HELLLLLOOOOOO"
"eh where is the door?"
team raffles
lizards falling from the sky
the late kosal
"i see cow dung everywhere, but where are the cows?"
roman bath alike
"are we serious playing football on that grass-less with loads of cowdung ground?"
5-1 defeat
touch up 80%, painting 20%
sing sing sing
flies everywhere
vegetarian dogs
"cambodia, cambodia"
"let's get fat with brother mat!"
"finally, COKE!"
"wah, 6 dishes and 5 are meat?"
"eh you stepping on the dog la!"
mr. li, eileen's best friend
"HEY JEREMMYYYYYY!"
"would you look at the fats move"
treasure in a jungle
"adio, aglio or antonio?"
hot, hot, hot
"eh we'll be seeing them tmr right?" "wrong church"
long chit chats on that bus
"i thought we're supposed to reach at 430? it's like 7 now"
"whenever i think of miss swan you face appears in my mind"
"okay, so which is the real lok lak?"
lok lak buddies and faces
"everytime i say phnom penh, it'll be repeated 5 times"
othello wannabes
sleep sleep sleep
"i miss my mp3"
please don't stop the music
sunburns
nearly killed the missionary, whoops
"i need to bomb hiroshima and nagasaki"
BLURP!
volleyball madness
playing in the rain
chewy chewy um ba ba
"oh, so they actually moved to a new building ah?"
spicy kim chi
"can we don't play games?"
"okay no one's following the rules"
girl games gone violent
10-20-30-40-50 passes
"i thought i put on so much weight after the (wrong)tee"
tired, sleepy, tired
22 in one room
"oh je-re-my!"
mr bean's holiday
"oh, the credits"
teary eyes on mission night
"so brother mat, what did you have to give up for God?"
"eh, wrong room la. how come got businessman inside?"
ice cream on rainy nights
SA SA SA!
james bond te te te tum
fiddling with food while saying grace
7 wonders
"minus 5 points"
sleeping when we're supposed to stay up all night
"eh why the kids leaving one by one when i teaching?"
cambodians love free stuff from us
"kaya from singapore!"
that long bumpy road
"eh amelia, you're not following them back?"
scary tuk tuk drivers
"walao, how the hotel looks nicer on paper sia?"
15 min museum walk
shop shop shop
let's go basketball
adidas - 4.50 USD only!
"i'm a taxi driver, you need me to fetch you?"
"eh her sister looks like a cambodian too!"

there's more, but i shall limit it to 100 only, heh.
sorry, only mission trippers will understand some of the phrases though, hah.
we need to pray for cambodia, really.
"cont to pray for cambodia"
- an anonymous taxi driver

to sum it all all up:
great fellowship
great work effort
great experience
great learning
great memories
great buddies
great GOD

well it's all over,
back to studying for me then.

little by little

sometimes it's funny at how you think
you went through enough shit to make you strong
but then realising that you're still not strong enough.
"in my weakness HIS strength is revealed"
yup, if i was that strong i wouldn't need GOD, wouldn't i?

i admit, it's been so long
but i miss having a friend like you.
then again, i guess everyone's moved on in their own lives
and our friendship ain't coming back,
well at least not the way things were..
reality suck balls sometimes,
but while things come to a close
they point to a new beginning.

maybe i was too excited to move on,
maybe i was rash. maybe i was too impulsive.
maybe i made the wrong choice of sticking to the wrong person.
but since it's come this far, i'll take it as it is.
and no, insecurities are meant to be over.
yup everyone has scars, but seriously, is there any need to be insecure?
not with the one above, at least!
choices are important, they make your future,
and a bright one is all i want.

HE's changing me, little by little -
everyday and everyway.

contemplating, just contemplating

i know it's been sometime,
but i've been busy, i've been tired, i've been lazy.

first and foremost, a big thanks
to my dearest church peeps who actually camped
in my house to surprise me on my birthday,
i was really tired, but i also remembered.
and thanks to everyone who remembered
and those who got me stuff too, though someone
just had to lose my birthday present before giving it to me, hah.
but still, thanks anyway.

a division is finally over.
it was indeed a great experience, though i did make grave stupid mistakes
but still, all in the name of hockey.
i did had a blast being here,
although it has been only 6 months.
now, it's time to focus on my studies.

that aside, i have been surviving.
school this year is as boring and tiring as ever.
everyone's just so low spirited, unlike last year.
i've been stressed, tired and more tired.
and i had a taste of insonmia too, HAHA!

i've learnt a few things over the past 1 month:
1) sometimes it's hard to choose between what's best and what you want
2) sometimes time does make the difference
3) sometimes it pays off to be less paranoid and less insecure

sometimes i wished i didn't care.
sometimes i wished i could care.
sometimes i wished things didnt have to work out this way.
sometimes i wished i wasn't so confused too.
i need to continue to look to Him whenever dark clouds cover my vision,
cos He's always there.

minutes to midnight

in these last few minutes
i'm spending some time thinking about how my life has been as an 18 year old.
the duration of which i was 18 has indeed been such a meaningful one,
of which i made such great friends
of which i tried out debating
of which i tried cheerleading
of which i joined hockey
of which i became camp master
of which i had countless bits of laughter, joy and tears..
it's just amazing how time flies
of how trials come and go
of how happiness comes and goes too.
i guess i'm really getting a real taste of life,
with my fair share of everything.
you know what?

i'm really gonna miss being 18.