hanging on

i tried to be strong, but sometimes
it's really tough.
i wish i could see this coming.
i still don't understand why you just
had to say all those things to me.
why did you tell me all those things
in the past
only to contradict yourself now?
now i know why you insisted
that you've never neglected me;
i wasn't someone worth your time
in the first place.

wishful thinking

somehow i was hoping
that you didnt mean whatever you said.
i was hoping, hoping
that dejavu didn't have to strike again.

untitled

school's coming to an end for the week, three cheers for that.
i've been waking up with the same thought everyday
"can i skip school today?"
school really sucks sometimes
but as usual, friends keep me going.

sometimes i just find it annoying
when people pass judgements on you
especially when they don't know shit about you.
all this plainless gossip and bitching
i just wish some people would stop being so freaking immature
well, the world's as superficial as always.

but then again, i shouldn't be so bothered.
i should only care about what GOD
and my true friends say.

tmr's gonna be an exciting day,
i just can't wait to end my school week with a bang.

all of a sudden coffeebean's like my favourite hangout place.
it just brings back so many fun memories.

alas

sometimes, i really wish you didn't have to be a come and go friend.
but i guess you did after all.

realisation

"When you let God be God, you can let humans be humans.
When we place God in His rightful place in our lives,
we don't struggle so much
when human relationships lets us down." -Josh Harris.

No wonder today felt great.
it's high time i committed myself to God again.

a long road ahead

i've never felt so tired on weekends
training almost everyday is something i havent got used to.

so what do i have installed for now?
trainings and homework and revision
and more tuition homework
and even more sunday school homework..
i forsee the next fews months being - frightening.
i'm getting kinda weary.

but honestly in times like this
all you need is some loving;
friends do help.

i don't seem to know what to blog about recently.
school is so screwed up sometimes
you wish weekends were 5 days long instead
while school, 2.
thank GOD for church friends who recharge me.

emotions are just so annoying sometimes
they're invisible, yet they can make or break you.
i guess this weekend's a good one for me to sort my thoughts,
or i think so.
i just hope that everything's gonna be fine when i wake up tomorrow..

get a grip

i've been thinking
maybe it's just a phase
maybe i'm just too tired
maybe i've changed
yes certain emotions and feelings can't be stopped
but they can be controlled
i'll do just that.
pull yourself together.

i guess i was really selfish
being unreasonable,
expecting others to appreciate me the way i want it;
forgetting to look at the many things they've done for me
"you know i'm down for you. though sometimes i'm not there"
was what you said.
i'm so so sorry, brother.

whatever it is,
no matter how much i've changed
no matter how far away i may seem
no matter how different i may seem
i'm still benjay.

i'm still dreading P.E tmr.

and it's all back to class

new year,
new class,
new people,
new friends.
class has indeed been interesting
with all the new people.
half my original class has been moved and all;
so the whole loathsome process of knowing new friends starts again.

but at least this time,
i don't feel so lonely after all.
with one who shares the same faith as me
with one whose closest friends are my closest friends
makes all so much better.

however,
i really need to shake off those angsty vibes
it's not me and i don't like it.
whatever it is, i know it's been planned out (:
being excited for the tough future, like what EL said.

all things become new

BEHOLD THE YEAR 2008!

another year has gone past.
& 2007 has indeed been a meaningful & fulfilling one for me.
i wish i could blog the entire story
but i won't cos it'll end up boring you, hah.
but i really wanna say all glory and praise to God
cos without Him and His ways,
i can't imagine what i'll be this year.

so,
a down low 2006
an amazing 2007.
what will 2008 be?
i'm really excited to find out!

new resolutions this year
ones in which i really wanna accomplish
after all mine's a combined one with jan's, haha!

one thing i've learnt recently
would be to understand what unconditional love truly is.
it's just amazing how God's always faithful to us
when we are such jerks :(
well now, i wanna extend it to others
yup its definitely not logical or easy
but for now, you're the only person i'll extend it to.
even if it hurts to know
that you're not gonna give anything back.
i guess that's what unconditional love is all about.

the future's just full of mysteries and surprises
but with God to trust in
i can just go anywhere.