mundane, mundane, mundane

grad tea just concluded last week. it's been a long and meaningful journey and i'm just thankful for the friends i've met in MI :)

that aside, studying's like no tmr. everyday the same old boring thing mannn. this sucks, and i'm seriously looking forward to the end of it all, really. it just sucks to know all the sec and j1 kids just ended their last day of official school today.

i'm seriously looking forward to weekends, like never before.

take me higher

you can say i'm pretty much motivated to study and work hard
and also keeping myself fit.
getting kinda fat lately, heh.
the sucky part is that the hols are coming for most ppl,
but all i got left to do is mug, oh wells.

btw i just realised that there's very thin line
between being wise and being cunning,
being witty and being sarcastic
being nice and being superficial
i guess it's just a matter of choice

i've also come to realise
that it's really important to know what you believe in
and to know the purpose behind the things you do.
cos at the end of it all,
when everything strips away
purpose will keep you going, will keep you firm :)

sometimes, i really don't know whether i should be disappointed in you.

close to my heart

my bffff finally replied my email;
i miss you loves,
esp your infamous thuderous voice,
hehehehe.
2 months more and i'll see you again :)

right now just thinking about a few ppl,
wondering how they're doing over at their side..

i just hope you're doing fine in your exams bro.
frankly speaking, i'm pretty sure you won't end up in 4NA
but even if GOD wills it,
i know you did your best
and i'll still be proud of ya :)
praying for you.

for me, i guess i got a bigger exam to prepare for,
doing my best and letting HIM do the rest.

i'm sick of living in your shadow

i say goodbye,
this is my life
you're not a friend so stop pretending
don't even try.
i say goodbye,
tired of that lie oh yeaheyeaheyeaheyeaheyeah
i say goodbye,
this is my life
good times are gone i'm moving on
it's your turn to cry.
i say goodbye,
gone in the night oh yeaheyeaheyeaheyeaheyeah
goodbye.

btw,
i thank GOD for dinner with aaron today;
it's hard to find people who think the same way you do :)

gotta work hard ben,
it's the a's - do well or die.

the game of love

the game of love
is tricky and risky, dont you think?

whenever i hear that song,
im reminded of christmas;
an image of a cozy house
with me and my loved ones in it,
celebrating the season together.
the warmth, the love, the oh-so-special-feeling..
who are the people in that house with me?
i'd like to think of that now :)
these people are definitely special,
cos they make me really happy.

btw, the house bunny was a good show.

climb every mountain higher

prelim results were pretty surprising
i would say.
all 4 subjects made an improvement
with MOB improving by about 20 marks man!
to think i studied MOB the least, sigh.
a couple of disappointments,
but i guess a BBD & D for GP is pretty encouraging.
1 more month left,
and hell breaks lose.

sometimes, i admit that im fearful.
i was never what you call a bright student.
i rarely scored a's in exams
and my o's were a total flung.
but that was all in the past -
and it's time to change history.
with the strength of the ONE above,
there's no need to fear.

be still ben
and just do your best.

that aside,
i realised that i'll rather
care for someone who would appreciate my efforts
even though i may not feel as much for that person.

let it wash away my sanity

eating reese's makes me happy,
nothing beats peanut butter and chocolate together :)

it's funny how sometimes my mood can change so fast, really.
oh wells.

it's okay, we'll study hard for the a's, especially econs.
we'll prove them wrong.

and you can say that i'm not gonna bother about you anymore.
go leave in your own world.
guess you ain't a great friend after all..
too bad for me then;
for actually bothering about you.
i hate to say this but
one day, you'll learn it the hard way.

a good consolation

i just realised that
for quite some time i've always been the guy who
knows-all-the-secrets-but-has-to-pretend-that-he-doesn't-know-any.

my friend actually asked me
"how you survive ah? won't your head explode?"
haha. maybe.

well, i'm just glad to know that people are more comfortable with me.
goodnight.

the last lap

don't you find it difficult sometimes
to care for others unconditionally,
and not expecting anything in return?

this issue has been on my mind for the past few days
but i guess as time goes by
i'm getting better at it =)

prelim results are so far, so good i guess.

i just can't wait for steamboat party tmr!

the feeling of dry-ness

is it you,
is it you
maybe you're the one i've been waiting for
could you be the one for me?
could you be the one i need?

do my best,
let GOD do the rest :)
remember ben,
it's never about you,
it's all about HIM.

get up, buckle up and we'll move on

keep going ben,
keep doing your best.
in due time, by GOD's grace
everything will fall into place :)

i love church and my church friends;
very very very much.
they're people i'll always have.

someday we'll know why i wasn't meant for you

there'll always be friends you enjoy being with,
irregardless of age, background or personality :)

i sure had a tiring day,
teaching someone can be fun and tiring too.
now, it's time for a good sleep :)

and yes, HE's coming again.

self conflicted

yup, i guess
caring for someone unconditionally is indeed
an unrealistic, difficult thing to do.
and i'm not the only person who thinks so, heh.

that aside,
it's funny how we've one mind
but two different entities in it.
one desires to do what's right,
the other desires to do whatever it wants.
one desires to be selfless, caring and sensible,
the other, selfish, nonchalant and reckless.
for me,
i guess i struggle between
caring for others unconditionally
and wanting something in return; to be appreciated, to be reciprocated.
but i guess i ought to be selfless,
even if it means that whatever i do may go in vain.

btw, prelims are over
i'm taking a good break.
and i mean good.

take me away

as lame as it sounds,
but whenever i'm feeling blue, sad, confused or lost in thoughts
playing computer games actually helps.
all of a sudden, i dont need to bother anymore.

i love WoW, period.

my head spins

to think i actually dreamt of you
telling me you wanted to be with me..
but reality bites when i woke up, oh wells
hahahah.

that aside, prelims have been okay, i guess.
and i've been feeling sick.

feels good to be loved

she exclaimed "benjay!" as she jumped in, right in front of me;
with that ever so excited, ever so delighted face of hers.
"why are you so happy?" i asked her in disbelief.
she stepped forward quietly and whispered "i miss you"

looks like the highlight of the day
wasn't my crammed palm after all :)

slowly, we're shedding our old self

jona said,
"it's always this phase we go through"

after a good talk with smelly girl yesterday,
i realise how much we've all changed - for the better.
frankly speaking i dont really like
to be reminded of my past, but hey,
ain't i'm out of it? :)

sorry janice my bffff bout being so emo this past one month
things' been happening but i'm fine and getting better,
will update you on email later :)
have fun in the states meantime!

prelims is tmr,
someone please tell me why i should be frightened.

faith w/o works is dead.
likewise we love GOD by loving others.
okay, off to bed before i start my chionging!

disturbia

i don't know why im so caught up with those thoughts again.
to go for it, or to take a step back.
frankly speaking, i'm quite tired.

wow, to think 5 days just passed like that.
i had fun today,
and that calls for a good sleep :)

prelims' in 2 days time,
and right now, i seriously don't want to bother anymore.

it's a slow growing but there's a knowing

come to think of it,
perhaps i should've put in that extra effort just for you..
oh wells.

actions definitely speak louder than words.
it's seriously no point in telling others you care
but when you guys meet up you act like you don't care..
no matter how emotionless you are,
i'm sure that's always ways to show you care.
something i need to think about.

"people don't open their hearts to preoccupied, fast-paced individuals;
they will to those who make the time to sit quietly, ask gently, and listen intently."
a good food for thought.

viva la vida

it's funny how i've been blogging so much lately.
i guess it's a good avenue of me releasing my thoughts,
esp since so many things have been happening.

been spending countless nights thinking about loads of stuff
almost everything and anything about my life
but it's good lah, getting my thoughts sorted out
for a better tomorrow.

i like today's message -
psalm 46:10 says "be still and know I am GOD"
a very encouraging verse to me.
i also committed pressing areas in my life to GOD during my prayer :)
so yup, i dont wanna think so much sometimes,
but i just wanna cast everything on HIM.

alrights, tmr's the start of the holidays
i hope and pray that i'll use it to study to the best of my abilities :)

okay, off to dinner with my sis.
ciao you guys.

finally, i see

you know, recently my long time friends
have been telling me about how i've changed so much.
i guess going to MI changed me alot.

yup, i admit that way back i was
a nerd.
an insensitive.
quite untrustworthy.
perhaps a loser.
perhaps a meanie.
a total faggot.
pretty unlovable, unlikeable.
totally unattractive..

but that all is seriously in the past,
i've grown and i've matured and i've changed..
even when i told my MI friends about this
they can't believe i was that bad, hahaha.
to think my sec sch buds actually accepted and appreciated me :P

sometimes i still don't know.
on one hand, i still prefer SAJC.
on the other, going MI has certainly changed me for the better,
in so many ways.
sometimes i still ask myself
if i had a choice now,
would i choose SAJC or MI?
maybe i should have followed my close friends and took triple sci in sec3.
maybe i should have studied harder.
maybe i should retaken my o's.
maybe, maybe, maybe...
whatever it is, GOD has already placed me here,
so why don't i just trust him and go ahead with whatever HE has planned?

im almost coming to the end of my 3 year stay in MI.
looking back, i've been through so much shit
but yet, i can still gladly smile and say
"thank you GOD."

may GOD mould me into the person HE wants me to be, amen.

but you're out of my reach, forever

sometimes, you really seem so distant, so far away..
i just wish i could grab you and bring you close to me..
talk about "so near yet so far", hahaha.
but it's okay,
i'll just do what's right
even though i wish you could surprise me again
by sending that msg,
oh wells.

on a happier note,
i can't wait for later.
going crash town with my church buds.
more good food, more good bowling, more good dessert.
need a break =)

when darkness turns to light

sometimes i'd like to think -
unfortunate as it is
i’ve just realized that almost all my life
i’ve always ended up caring and loving the wrong people –
people who never cared about me and will never care.

but instead of dwelling myself in self pity,
why don't i just rely on GOD to provide for me from day to day?
i just gotta look around and be grateful for whatever/whoever i have
and i'll realise that there's nothing to be really sad about (even if there is) :)
come to think of it, i've been pretty fine actually.

instead of being hurt and all,
i ought to focus on how i can impact others,
i guess that's more meaningful after all.

okay, i'm gonna end this saga here. shalln't blog about this "issue" anymore..
this marks the end of the period of trying and i guess i've emerged victorious.
hah. case closed, and i'm fine :)

btw, my gp prelims today were fine
i guess all the consultation helped alot.
just treated it like another practice, so thank GOD.

going for midweek later, can't wait.
i love my church buds.

reality grips you

olympics is over, i'm gonna miss it.
too bad brazil didnt get to defend it's world's champion title for volleyball.
but still, they were good.

combined was crazy, yet great.
it sure was hell was tiring
from preping the ppt slides, planning games
and even running about the games and also ensuring matters were settled.
but then again, i guess im pretty used to all these.
at least i can take a break.

speaking of which,
i don't study on weekends.
being so caught up with church and church peeps
i'm all so busy and tired to study.
but now as sch resumes tmr,
fear is gripping me.
i wanna do well,
at least well enough to go to uni.
GOD help me please.

sometimes, it's really great to care for others.
and it's even greater when they respond and appreciate your company.
reaching out to others is never easy,
but GOD will help me do what's right and wise.

i truly thank GOD for church friends,
today while departing for home
i suddenly realise my wallet was missing.
didn't want to catch any unwanted attention so i went abt searching quietly,
but as i started to panic a lil in the church office admist the searching
bro mat asked me "looking for something?"
i was like yeah i think i lost my wallet.
immediately EVERYONE in the office stopped their mini conversations,
got up from their seats
and went all over church wallet-hunting.
well, i eventually found it
but it was really great seeing how everyone was
actively and sincerely helping me locate my wallet
also, the smile on their faces when i eventually found it =)
but it was kinda retarded, having like 6 other guys
helping me search for my wallet.
yup guys from my age, adults and almost senior citizens too helping me.
thanks alot man!
church rocks.

i finally got to see you after so long
and sometimes i really wonder..
but then again, i ought to move on.

back to studying for me, then.

he giveth and giveth again

sometimes, i admit that i seriously wished that
alot of things didn't have to turn out this way..
but what can i do but to accept it the way things are?
isn't HE in control?

i guess one good way to cheer myself
is to actually cheer others up =)
inside of feeling down and keep on harping on such thoughts
why not channel your effort to make an impact on someone else's life instead?

just remember:
GOD will provide ben, GOD will provide.

i'll pull through

maybe, just maybe one day
you'll realise how much of a friend i was to you.

well, i gotta get on with my own life..
HE'll always see me through,
even though very often things don't exactly go the way i wished or hoped for.

i'll always remember sunday's message : "GOD is purposeful."

he is my all in all

GOD is good all the time and
all the time, GOD is good.

i sure had a rough week
with disappointments here and there.
but you know going back to church on weekends
just changes everything.
church and my church friends
just turns everything around.
i really really thank GOD for church.

yes, janice and jon wong are gone.
jan will be back asap this i know
but jon will be away for a year at least
and i admit that im really gonna miss him alot
in so many ways..
i'll miss their support definitely,
but i will carry on :)

i guess it's about time
i use the head over heart.
no more will i tarry in this limbo
instead i will use wisdom to guide me instead.

i guess i've learnt much this week
about GOD, about myself, about service.
now, service to me has changed, for the better.
but one thing that really struck me -
GOD will always provide.
whenever i'm lonely, down or sad
He'll always provide someone to be there for me
it doesn't have to be a close friend or family
but GOD sure has HIS ways in lifting me :)

life is indeed difficult, more often than we know it
but i guess with GOD everything just changes.
just open your eyes to the things around you,
and you'll realise that GOD provides;
more often than you know it :)
goodnight.

キミのとなりで

i've been thinking alot lately,
about life and everything else.
i guess there's still a handful of things i need to sort out...

i wish i could always be that cheery, like how
everyone always associates me with being cheery.
i guess not many people know that there's actually more to me.

we all gotta change once in a while

today was fun, all the bowling and arcade madness;
really wished some of you guys could be there with us.

btw, im hooked on watching olympics, i think.
and im supposed to be studying.

this is for the good times, this is for the good life

i just found out that the swimming pool slide at my place is da bomb :)

i kinda realised that im quite a selfish person actually,
caring for others largely depends on my mood or emotional state..
i guess something needs to be done about it.

and i realised that sometimes time is everything.

oooh baby oooh baby oooh baby

3 months left,
i can't imagine myself studying everyday like this for 3 more months.
but i thank GOD for being there for me.

and yes, i've been having a bad stomach.

and i just had this pus swelling up underneath my new skin (cos i scrapped my knee in june)
i was pissed off trying to squeeze it out i decided to take a scissors and cut through my skin =)
got rid of the bloody pus.

i've been thinking over some stuff lately.
sometimes, it's scary how falliable man can be.
one minute they can be with you,
the next thing you know it they end up betraying you..
i also realise how fragile friendships can be -
easy come, easy go too.
it all boils down - who can i really trust?
even our own family can let us down.
i guess i ought to be thankful for what i have,
and always remember that when
you put GOD in the right place, human relationships wont hurt as much.

glad i could impact someone today
he actually said
"ben what i really need now is some good encouragement and you really gave me a good one, thanks"
it's nice to be able to be there for someone, hmm?

ladymade star

i'm hooked on DJ MAX
and my sis is too, heh.
i've been spending a great deal time with my church peeps,
endless trail of fun, joy and laughter.
once again, thank GOD for them.

and today, i got to be honest with you =)

school resumes tomorrow,
gotta go back to studying mode!

hold on to patience and watch for the signs

exams are finally over,
and to add on i had a total of 3 days off from school, shiok!
i'm so glad my bffff uploaded all the mission trip photos,
i had a great time reminisicing today,
with much grins here and there.
you know, the mission trip empowerment thingy
hasn't left me yet,
leaving me in awe and surprise.
i guess we never know how GOD can truly impact us eh?

as time goes by, i'm seeing friendships in a different light.
being my old immatured self,
thinking that
different levels of friendship
refers to doing only a fixed set of stuff or activities
but as time goes by
i realise that the people you don't converse with everyday
could actually be the people who can click with you the most,
in fact they could be the ones who really appreciate you.
i guess it's all in the beauty of a relationship with anyone -
parents, siblings, friends and partners
anyone could be special to you in a special way,
maybe in a way no one else will understand,
maybe in way even you don't understand either
but you know you're certainly enjoying such a friendship =)

okay, i don't why i'm suddenly sprouting such stuff
but i really had a great time today catching up
with someone i dont get to see really often, maybe once a week.
eating western food, slurping my taohuey
chit chatting away and sharing lives
i think that's what a true friendship is all about.
that's why i really thank GOD for christian friends.
i'll probably be dead by now if i haven't had them.

but anyways
i still need GOD's guidance and assurance in many aspects in my life
especially when it comes to relationships of any sort,
where emotions are involved and where wisdom is required.
i prolly can't survive on my own instincts, i need help from above.
whatever it is, Jesus doeth all things well,
i ought to cast my doubts and concerns on Him instead.
well, now we being christians, i guess we ain't the rulers of our lives anymore (:

alright i'm off to bed
really excited for YF tmr with many "new" faces who are coming back (:

someday we'll know

i just thank GOD for the opportunity
to share a little of my faith with someone i care about.

just remember,
i just hope,
irregardless of the quantity
somewhere in your heart a seed will grow
GOD will give the increase.

no stress, no stress, no stress

okay, i didn't study today at all.
all i thought of today was sleeping
and missing mission trip.

BFFFF please upload the photos of the trip sooon
so i can cheer myself up when
studying gets me sick.

sunday's message got me thinking too
what's my purpose of going church?
am i giving HIM respect that's due?

been brainstorming for new ideas for YF activites,
i can wait for a fresh new start man.

other then that, monday's papers were a killer.
i so lacked the perseverence to write countless essays.
i felt abit gong after the whole day though, heh.
gotta work hard.

we have a choice

i didn't expect you to have such an impact on me.

if i had to spell it out,
you certainly taught me how to be proud of my faith,
even if it seems ridiculous to others.

looking forward to tmr,
screw the studying.

i'm leaving on a jet plane, wishing i didn't come back

i'm back from my 8 day long trip to cambodia.
it's only a week long trip,
but yet so meaningful, so touching, so special.
it got me reflecting my life through.
we didn't do extraordinary stuff.
we didn't have extraordinary people.
but we had an extraordinary GOD
and we had an extraordinary time.

non-mission trippers prolly won't understand
the emotions i'm going through
or the hype about the whole trip.
but sometimes, seeing is believing.
sometimes, being there does make the difference.
but im sure we all felt the same way
when the photos flashed
on the pulpit this morning.
or when nigel shared his testimony.
or when we presented our item.

i really wanna thank GOD and my parents
for allowing me to go for this trip.
i wanna thank Pr. Mat for leading us.
i wanna thank my room buddies.
i wanna thank my fellow buddies.
i wanna thank everyone who's involved in this trip somehow or rather.

Bro Mat
Dn Chien Wei
Wing
Edward
Cherie
Michele
Eileen
Songsen
Weijian
Jeremy
Sharon
Jona
Janice
Jon Wong
Ben Wong (me)
Samuel
Joshua
Juventus
Grace
Amelia Tan
Nigel Loke
Su May

i really had a ball of fun with you all.
so, here 100 phrases that well, summarises/highlights my journey.

"alamak, mission trip's next week."
pack pack pack, cut cut cut
"eh, i want those clothes too!"
"no stumbling clothes allowed"
"ben i had a very late lunch, i ate at 1"
i need some barb wires
"the more the trip approaches, im dreading rooming with you"
sleepy faces at airport.
our mega line of boxes.
"eh, this is not my camera"
nasi lemak
"i helped you protect 91 bucks at home"
"omgosh you havent filled up the form yet?"
"Pehnom Penh"
"Sprao, Sapro or Sdao village ah?"
"Suesday! Kynom Chmer Kampong Som"
"nani nani!"
lok lak, lok lak
"walao why i kenna so many mosquito bites sia!"
"are you seriously putting that lime on the beef?"
"give me an F# minor"
"sorry there's only a tea bag, no coffee tea bag"
su may's laughing orchestra
"HELLLLLOOOOOO"
"eh where is the door?"
team raffles
lizards falling from the sky
the late kosal
"i see cow dung everywhere, but where are the cows?"
roman bath alike
"are we serious playing football on that grass-less with loads of cowdung ground?"
5-1 defeat
touch up 80%, painting 20%
sing sing sing
flies everywhere
vegetarian dogs
"cambodia, cambodia"
"let's get fat with brother mat!"
"finally, COKE!"
"wah, 6 dishes and 5 are meat?"
"eh you stepping on the dog la!"
mr. li, eileen's best friend
"HEY JEREMMYYYYYY!"
"would you look at the fats move"
treasure in a jungle
"adio, aglio or antonio?"
hot, hot, hot
"eh we'll be seeing them tmr right?" "wrong church"
long chit chats on that bus
"i thought we're supposed to reach at 430? it's like 7 now"
"whenever i think of miss swan you face appears in my mind"
"okay, so which is the real lok lak?"
lok lak buddies and faces
"everytime i say phnom penh, it'll be repeated 5 times"
othello wannabes
sleep sleep sleep
"i miss my mp3"
please don't stop the music
sunburns
nearly killed the missionary, whoops
"i need to bomb hiroshima and nagasaki"
BLURP!
volleyball madness
playing in the rain
chewy chewy um ba ba
"oh, so they actually moved to a new building ah?"
spicy kim chi
"can we don't play games?"
"okay no one's following the rules"
girl games gone violent
10-20-30-40-50 passes
"i thought i put on so much weight after the (wrong)tee"
tired, sleepy, tired
22 in one room
"oh je-re-my!"
mr bean's holiday
"oh, the credits"
teary eyes on mission night
"so brother mat, what did you have to give up for God?"
"eh, wrong room la. how come got businessman inside?"
ice cream on rainy nights
SA SA SA!
james bond te te te tum
fiddling with food while saying grace
7 wonders
"minus 5 points"
sleeping when we're supposed to stay up all night
"eh why the kids leaving one by one when i teaching?"
cambodians love free stuff from us
"kaya from singapore!"
that long bumpy road
"eh amelia, you're not following them back?"
scary tuk tuk drivers
"walao, how the hotel looks nicer on paper sia?"
15 min museum walk
shop shop shop
let's go basketball
adidas - 4.50 USD only!
"i'm a taxi driver, you need me to fetch you?"
"eh her sister looks like a cambodian too!"

there's more, but i shall limit it to 100 only, heh.
sorry, only mission trippers will understand some of the phrases though, hah.
we need to pray for cambodia, really.
"cont to pray for cambodia"
- an anonymous taxi driver

to sum it all all up:
great fellowship
great work effort
great experience
great learning
great memories
great buddies
great GOD

well it's all over,
back to studying for me then.

little by little

sometimes it's funny at how you think
you went through enough shit to make you strong
but then realising that you're still not strong enough.
"in my weakness HIS strength is revealed"
yup, if i was that strong i wouldn't need GOD, wouldn't i?

i admit, it's been so long
but i miss having a friend like you.
then again, i guess everyone's moved on in their own lives
and our friendship ain't coming back,
well at least not the way things were..
reality suck balls sometimes,
but while things come to a close
they point to a new beginning.

maybe i was too excited to move on,
maybe i was rash. maybe i was too impulsive.
maybe i made the wrong choice of sticking to the wrong person.
but since it's come this far, i'll take it as it is.
and no, insecurities are meant to be over.
yup everyone has scars, but seriously, is there any need to be insecure?
not with the one above, at least!
choices are important, they make your future,
and a bright one is all i want.

HE's changing me, little by little -
everyday and everyway.

contemplating, just contemplating

i know it's been sometime,
but i've been busy, i've been tired, i've been lazy.

first and foremost, a big thanks
to my dearest church peeps who actually camped
in my house to surprise me on my birthday,
i was really tired, but i also remembered.
and thanks to everyone who remembered
and those who got me stuff too, though someone
just had to lose my birthday present before giving it to me, hah.
but still, thanks anyway.

a division is finally over.
it was indeed a great experience, though i did make grave stupid mistakes
but still, all in the name of hockey.
i did had a blast being here,
although it has been only 6 months.
now, it's time to focus on my studies.

that aside, i have been surviving.
school this year is as boring and tiring as ever.
everyone's just so low spirited, unlike last year.
i've been stressed, tired and more tired.
and i had a taste of insonmia too, HAHA!

i've learnt a few things over the past 1 month:
1) sometimes it's hard to choose between what's best and what you want
2) sometimes time does make the difference
3) sometimes it pays off to be less paranoid and less insecure

sometimes i wished i didn't care.
sometimes i wished i could care.
sometimes i wished things didnt have to work out this way.
sometimes i wished i wasn't so confused too.
i need to continue to look to Him whenever dark clouds cover my vision,
cos He's always there.

minutes to midnight

in these last few minutes
i'm spending some time thinking about how my life has been as an 18 year old.
the duration of which i was 18 has indeed been such a meaningful one,
of which i made such great friends
of which i tried out debating
of which i tried cheerleading
of which i joined hockey
of which i became camp master
of which i had countless bits of laughter, joy and tears..
it's just amazing how time flies
of how trials come and go
of how happiness comes and goes too.
i guess i'm really getting a real taste of life,
with my fair share of everything.
you know what?

i'm really gonna miss being 18.

what a friend i have in you

good friday and easter are over,
just like that.
i really had a meaningful weekend
though i had to wake up at 415 AM today
to be in church at 530AM.
tiring, but i had a great day ahead.

"hear the story from god's word
where kings and priests and prophets heard
there would be a sacrifice
and love would flow to pay sin's price

precious lamb of glory
love's most wondrous story
heart of god's redemption of man
i worship the lamb of glory

on the cross god loved the world
while all the powr's of hell were hurled
no one there could understand
the one they saw was christ the lamb

precious lamb of glory
love's most wondrous story
heart of god's redemption of man
i worship the lamb of glory"

i guess no one can ever comprehend his love
of how he suffer so much just to save us
when i sang that song on friday
i guess i couldn't help but tear.

that aside, this weekend has indeed be a good reminder.
i need to keep my spirit up!

i think i need to work on my eq
my impulsive thoughts have too much effect on me
in addition, i need to work on my so called
"self defence mechanism"
turns out to be a good-on-the-verge-of-becoming-wrong thing.

to think that i once considered you
to be the only friend i really had.
silly, isn't it?
as time answers
i guess i don't exactly need you that much actually (:

well, i've got the bestest friend
who's in and out of the world, literally (:

against the current

what a busy weekend in church
with more practices and practices to do =)
thank GOD everything went well today,
it's been great serving.
and a great message too;
i ought to start pondering over the right things.

sighs,
sometimes i just wished that
alot of things in my life didnt have to turn out this way
if i could go back in time,
i'll probably would have reversed ALOT of things
but it's no use looking back now.
like what i learnt today about not giving up
but to to take confidence in Him and move forward.
help me do what's right and wise;
that's my desire.
if only my flesh wasn't weak
when my spirit is willing.

sometimes i just wished things could be different
and that you could be different.
but right now,
i really wished you'll say that you'll go the extra mile for me
but i guess i'm in denial.

slipping through my fingers

times passes fast,
and the hols are over.
not much of a hol however, with hockey everyday,
it's practically my life in MI now.
as much as i love the game,
it sometimes really wears me out.
but as of now, i thank the Lord for safety, really.

today wasn't a very good day.
the weather was bad
i was all angsty and all,
i was struggling with my service prac
and i lost something for the first time in my life.
sometimes i really can't stand myself, esp my flaws.
i need HIM who refreshes and recharges me.
i can't go on like this forever..

it's been years already,
yet even striking a conversation now seems to be so tough.
what on earth is happening?
yeah, i guess now matter how much you've moved on,
it's hard to forget something/someone in which you're
put alot of emotions in;
that's life benjay.
what else can you do but to be strong in the Lord?
"He gives rest to all who are heavy laden"
i think this verse is all i need, for now.

celebrate good times cmon'

CT stats are out!
im top 5% in level and 14th of level =)
thank GOD for HIS blessings,
really wasn't expecting it.

my a's are out!
H1 maths: B
H1 chinese: E
it was a day of anxiety, hugs and tears.
i thank GOD for my results,
and i want the same or even better feeling when i get my H2s.
gotta work hard!

had hockey friendliess yest.
we won IJC 1-0
we won NTU 4-2 =)
it was kinda nerve wrecking in some sense,
im not used to this type of stress.
but it was a good experience,
learnt alot, yearning to improve even more.
anyways thank GOD i managed to survive with such a leg.
hope it heals faster though.

btw, bowling & (accompanying my friend)shopping was greatt.

food for thought:
it's pointless appreciating someone if you won't say it
it's pointless caring for someone if you won't show it.
love without action is tantamount to not loving at all.
if you care, show it.

goodnight y'all.

trigerrr

tis' been quite a while hasn't it?

i just wanna thank GOD for a few things:
1) relatively good CT results; top 7% in school (based on the fact i passed everything)
2) cleared my NAPFA with a silver; no more booking in 3 months early!
3) no injuries from hockey over the past 3 weeks
4) for the discipline to complete my sunday bible class homework, attending class regularly
5) for great friends in my life

life definitely isn't something very exciting or enjoyable all the time
sometimes it seems like there's more downs than ups
sometimes you feel confused, sad, lost, lonely, weary and discouraged
sometimes nothing seems to be able to lift you
yet somehow or rather there's this comforting hope and assurance
that there's someone watching over me, answering my cries, taking care of me
yes, sometimes life gets you down
but with GOD i know i'll be strong enough, strong enough to face it with a smile =)
after all, he saved me from this place.

i still need loads of wisdom;
to guide my thoughts, words and deeds each day.
i also need to sort out my priorities;
it about time i know what and who matters.

btw, i fell and scrapped my knees badly on saturday.
walking and sleeping and bathing has never been that uncomfortable before
and all that pus, grossed out man.
hopefully, i'll heal fast by wed.
i've already missed training today.

and it was so embarrasing in church
cos i was limping and my church friends so had to go
"eh! i see mas selamat, someone please call the police!"
and
"eh, actually i think you two look quite alike."
and
"you better be careful when you leave church, people might just come and nab you"
stupid asses. in front of everyone some more.
and while practicing for the men's item,
i wanted to help play a note on the piano (since i was the nearest to it)
to start off the note for the a capella,
wj so had to say
"eh i think i'll do it, since i walk faster than you"
darn, he was at least 5 metres away behind me!

okay, i'm off to bed.
laughing matters aside, i've still got loads of pondering and reflecting to do.

what i've done

i had a good week i guess.
CT turned out to be alright.
my goal - pass all.
apart from that i had 2 days of no school (:
good time of relaxing and catching up with friends man.

my friend once told me that there's a purpose behind
every friendship he makes.
at first i was kinda skeptical about it
but as i thought about it, it makes sense.
i ought to sort my thoughts again.

sometimes i wish i had self control;
not just the words that come out of my mouth
but also in my actions and emotions..
i just wish i could control myself better;
i wouldn't have said/done so many impulsive and stupid things.
but what's done is done,
don't look back, start now.
i'm still under refining, mind you (:

i think i've found my total opposite;
yet with such a friend i'm actually learning more about myself, hah.
how long will this go on, i really wonder..

alright, school's tomorrow.
and im so stressed about hockey, gah.
i guess i'm slowly learning the art of letting go (:

blasttt!

CNY was as a usual,
yet a good distraction.
a great time
away from CT,
away from hockey,
away from whatever shit else problems.
and though i feel ill,
i sure had some fun!

"sometimes its good to let the head lead the heart."

whatever it is,
no matter how tough/painful it was/is
no matter how much shit i had to go through
something good came out of it
like i told jason
"you go through similar circumstances again to know how much you've grown."
i don't deny that i still do care, a lot
but this time,
i'll just say "come what may"
((:

for i know what'er befall me, jesus doeth all things well.
this my song thru endless ages, jesus led me all the way.
(:

today sure was fun (tiring & painful too)
but fellowship sure is sweet,
especially if its over wii, HAHAHA!




baby, you make me smile ((:
even if its just 10 mins of your voice.

here i go again

week's been tiring as usual
i don't have any days whereby i can really sleep til' i'm satisfied =(
CNY's round the corner
but i've been too tired and busy
to actually shop until finally today.
CT's after that, more studying to do!

well, it certainly was great to be back in church this weekend again
though i go twice every week,
somehow things are always refreshing and new (:
i just thank GOD for the company of church friends;
i feel recharged.
yes, there's still certain things i still need to get over every week,
but hey, there's more to just that.

sometimes i wonder why i have to experience dejavu all over again
maybe i thought i was strong, maybe i thought i was ready
hah, looks like i still have a long way to go after all (:

GOD sure knows what HE's doing,
and i ought to be thankful for that.
i guess right now
it's come what may;
whatever will be, will be
all according to HIS plan (:
i just need the wisdom and strength to face it.

though sometimes i admit
i just can't understand why certain things must happen
but then again
blessed is the man who puts his trust in GOD,
amen.

hanging on

i tried to be strong, but sometimes
it's really tough.
i wish i could see this coming.
i still don't understand why you just
had to say all those things to me.
why did you tell me all those things
in the past
only to contradict yourself now?
now i know why you insisted
that you've never neglected me;
i wasn't someone worth your time
in the first place.

wishful thinking

somehow i was hoping
that you didnt mean whatever you said.
i was hoping, hoping
that dejavu didn't have to strike again.

untitled

school's coming to an end for the week, three cheers for that.
i've been waking up with the same thought everyday
"can i skip school today?"
school really sucks sometimes
but as usual, friends keep me going.

sometimes i just find it annoying
when people pass judgements on you
especially when they don't know shit about you.
all this plainless gossip and bitching
i just wish some people would stop being so freaking immature
well, the world's as superficial as always.

but then again, i shouldn't be so bothered.
i should only care about what GOD
and my true friends say.

tmr's gonna be an exciting day,
i just can't wait to end my school week with a bang.

all of a sudden coffeebean's like my favourite hangout place.
it just brings back so many fun memories.

alas

sometimes, i really wish you didn't have to be a come and go friend.
but i guess you did after all.