viva la vida

it's funny how i've been blogging so much lately.
i guess it's a good avenue of me releasing my thoughts,
esp since so many things have been happening.

been spending countless nights thinking about loads of stuff
almost everything and anything about my life
but it's good lah, getting my thoughts sorted out
for a better tomorrow.

i like today's message -
psalm 46:10 says "be still and know I am GOD"
a very encouraging verse to me.
i also committed pressing areas in my life to GOD during my prayer :)
so yup, i dont wanna think so much sometimes,
but i just wanna cast everything on HIM.

alrights, tmr's the start of the holidays
i hope and pray that i'll use it to study to the best of my abilities :)

okay, off to dinner with my sis.
ciao you guys.

finally, i see

you know, recently my long time friends
have been telling me about how i've changed so much.
i guess going to MI changed me alot.

yup, i admit that way back i was
a nerd.
an insensitive.
quite untrustworthy.
perhaps a loser.
perhaps a meanie.
a total faggot.
pretty unlovable, unlikeable.
totally unattractive..

but that all is seriously in the past,
i've grown and i've matured and i've changed..
even when i told my MI friends about this
they can't believe i was that bad, hahaha.
to think my sec sch buds actually accepted and appreciated me :P

sometimes i still don't know.
on one hand, i still prefer SAJC.
on the other, going MI has certainly changed me for the better,
in so many ways.
sometimes i still ask myself
if i had a choice now,
would i choose SAJC or MI?
maybe i should have followed my close friends and took triple sci in sec3.
maybe i should have studied harder.
maybe i should retaken my o's.
maybe, maybe, maybe...
whatever it is, GOD has already placed me here,
so why don't i just trust him and go ahead with whatever HE has planned?

im almost coming to the end of my 3 year stay in MI.
looking back, i've been through so much shit
but yet, i can still gladly smile and say
"thank you GOD."

may GOD mould me into the person HE wants me to be, amen.

but you're out of my reach, forever

sometimes, you really seem so distant, so far away..
i just wish i could grab you and bring you close to me..
talk about "so near yet so far", hahaha.
but it's okay,
i'll just do what's right
even though i wish you could surprise me again
by sending that msg,
oh wells.

on a happier note,
i can't wait for later.
going crash town with my church buds.
more good food, more good bowling, more good dessert.
need a break =)

when darkness turns to light

sometimes i'd like to think -
unfortunate as it is
i’ve just realized that almost all my life
i’ve always ended up caring and loving the wrong people –
people who never cared about me and will never care.

but instead of dwelling myself in self pity,
why don't i just rely on GOD to provide for me from day to day?
i just gotta look around and be grateful for whatever/whoever i have
and i'll realise that there's nothing to be really sad about (even if there is) :)
come to think of it, i've been pretty fine actually.

instead of being hurt and all,
i ought to focus on how i can impact others,
i guess that's more meaningful after all.

okay, i'm gonna end this saga here. shalln't blog about this "issue" anymore..
this marks the end of the period of trying and i guess i've emerged victorious.
hah. case closed, and i'm fine :)

btw, my gp prelims today were fine
i guess all the consultation helped alot.
just treated it like another practice, so thank GOD.

going for midweek later, can't wait.
i love my church buds.

reality grips you

olympics is over, i'm gonna miss it.
too bad brazil didnt get to defend it's world's champion title for volleyball.
but still, they were good.

combined was crazy, yet great.
it sure was hell was tiring
from preping the ppt slides, planning games
and even running about the games and also ensuring matters were settled.
but then again, i guess im pretty used to all these.
at least i can take a break.

speaking of which,
i don't study on weekends.
being so caught up with church and church peeps
i'm all so busy and tired to study.
but now as sch resumes tmr,
fear is gripping me.
i wanna do well,
at least well enough to go to uni.
GOD help me please.

sometimes, it's really great to care for others.
and it's even greater when they respond and appreciate your company.
reaching out to others is never easy,
but GOD will help me do what's right and wise.

i truly thank GOD for church friends,
today while departing for home
i suddenly realise my wallet was missing.
didn't want to catch any unwanted attention so i went abt searching quietly,
but as i started to panic a lil in the church office admist the searching
bro mat asked me "looking for something?"
i was like yeah i think i lost my wallet.
immediately EVERYONE in the office stopped their mini conversations,
got up from their seats
and went all over church wallet-hunting.
well, i eventually found it
but it was really great seeing how everyone was
actively and sincerely helping me locate my wallet
also, the smile on their faces when i eventually found it =)
but it was kinda retarded, having like 6 other guys
helping me search for my wallet.
yup guys from my age, adults and almost senior citizens too helping me.
thanks alot man!
church rocks.

i finally got to see you after so long
and sometimes i really wonder..
but then again, i ought to move on.

back to studying for me, then.

he giveth and giveth again

sometimes, i admit that i seriously wished that
alot of things didn't have to turn out this way..
but what can i do but to accept it the way things are?
isn't HE in control?

i guess one good way to cheer myself
is to actually cheer others up =)
inside of feeling down and keep on harping on such thoughts
why not channel your effort to make an impact on someone else's life instead?

just remember:
GOD will provide ben, GOD will provide.

i'll pull through

maybe, just maybe one day
you'll realise how much of a friend i was to you.

well, i gotta get on with my own life..
HE'll always see me through,
even though very often things don't exactly go the way i wished or hoped for.

i'll always remember sunday's message : "GOD is purposeful."

he is my all in all

GOD is good all the time and
all the time, GOD is good.

i sure had a rough week
with disappointments here and there.
but you know going back to church on weekends
just changes everything.
church and my church friends
just turns everything around.
i really really thank GOD for church.

yes, janice and jon wong are gone.
jan will be back asap this i know
but jon will be away for a year at least
and i admit that im really gonna miss him alot
in so many ways..
i'll miss their support definitely,
but i will carry on :)

i guess it's about time
i use the head over heart.
no more will i tarry in this limbo
instead i will use wisdom to guide me instead.

i guess i've learnt much this week
about GOD, about myself, about service.
now, service to me has changed, for the better.
but one thing that really struck me -
GOD will always provide.
whenever i'm lonely, down or sad
He'll always provide someone to be there for me
it doesn't have to be a close friend or family
but GOD sure has HIS ways in lifting me :)

life is indeed difficult, more often than we know it
but i guess with GOD everything just changes.
just open your eyes to the things around you,
and you'll realise that GOD provides;
more often than you know it :)
goodnight.

キミのとなりで

i've been thinking alot lately,
about life and everything else.
i guess there's still a handful of things i need to sort out...

i wish i could always be that cheery, like how
everyone always associates me with being cheery.
i guess not many people know that there's actually more to me.

we all gotta change once in a while

today was fun, all the bowling and arcade madness;
really wished some of you guys could be there with us.

btw, im hooked on watching olympics, i think.
and im supposed to be studying.

this is for the good times, this is for the good life

i just found out that the swimming pool slide at my place is da bomb :)

i kinda realised that im quite a selfish person actually,
caring for others largely depends on my mood or emotional state..
i guess something needs to be done about it.

and i realised that sometimes time is everything.

oooh baby oooh baby oooh baby

3 months left,
i can't imagine myself studying everyday like this for 3 more months.
but i thank GOD for being there for me.

and yes, i've been having a bad stomach.

and i just had this pus swelling up underneath my new skin (cos i scrapped my knee in june)
i was pissed off trying to squeeze it out i decided to take a scissors and cut through my skin =)
got rid of the bloody pus.

i've been thinking over some stuff lately.
sometimes, it's scary how falliable man can be.
one minute they can be with you,
the next thing you know it they end up betraying you..
i also realise how fragile friendships can be -
easy come, easy go too.
it all boils down - who can i really trust?
even our own family can let us down.
i guess i ought to be thankful for what i have,
and always remember that when
you put GOD in the right place, human relationships wont hurt as much.

glad i could impact someone today
he actually said
"ben what i really need now is some good encouragement and you really gave me a good one, thanks"
it's nice to be able to be there for someone, hmm?